Alien invaders count as horror, right? I thought so. Here are a handful of random thoughts about Independence Day: Resurgence. 1. Brent Spiner is a perfectly fine actor, but Dr. Okun was entirely too prominent in this movie. The first Independence Day was the perfectly amount of Okun: get in, say some awkward things for […]
Category: Reviews
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Krampus: Movie Review
It’s a bit late in the year for me to be writing this (due to the film in question being a holiday film), but you’ve heard of Christmas in July, have you not? It’s approaching and so, with that, I would like to talk about the film Krampus, while I am listening to the Jailbreak album […]
Remember when two highly successful movies were made about a silent psychopath who killed people like it was his job* and followed it up with a movie about a sinister organization making Halloween masks stuffed with Stonehenge fragments that would activate when a commercial played, turning the mask wearer’s face into a sludge of snakes […]
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The Fog: Movie Review
Synopsis: On the eve of its centennial celebration, a fog bank appears off the coast of Antonio Bay in California. People are murdered. Windows are shattered. Electricity flickers. It vanishes at the stroke of 1am, but it returns that night. The fog, you guys. THERE’S SOMETHING IN THE FOG. Thoughts: I have a terrible confession: […]
Synopsis: In an attempt to shore up their overnight security, a mall unveils their new plan: metal security doors that will close at night. Also, three patrolling robots. They swear the robots are non-lethal, but that doesn’t explain their onboard head-exploding lasers. Some teens decide to have an after-hours party in a furniture store. Lightning […]
Synopsis: Authorities find over 800 VHS tapes made by an elusive killer in and around Poughkeepsie, New York. We the viewer – most of whom are absolutely not police or FBI agents – get to watch some of these and see what terrible things this killer did. Awful things. Twisted things. Why did they let […]
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Hush: Movie Review
Synopsis: A deaf, mute female author lives alone in a fairly secluded house in the woods. A man in a creepy mask shows up, kills her neighbor and terrorizes her. My thoughts: This seems like a pretty standard home invasion movie, but I gave it a shot because it was directed by Mike Flanagan. I […]
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Stung: Movie Review
Synopsis: Genetically modified super-wasps descend on a gathering of rich people. If you get stung (STUNG, you guys. I just got it) by one of these wasps, you will become a person-sized wasp. So kind of like zombies, except with wings and a stinger. But hey! Maybe you can produce some delicious honey. (Wasps cannot […]
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Kristy: Movie Review
At its core, this is a slasher movie about a girl who stays on campus over Thanksgiving break and finds herself stalked by 4 murdering psychopaths. The psychopaths kill a couple security guards, and the only thing standing between our heroine and certain death are her own wits. It’s pretty standard slasher fare. As far […]
Have you ever found yourself watching Superbad and thinking, “I wish there was a less well-written version of this with zombies and more annoying characters,”? Then this movie is for you! That sounds harsher than I mean it to. I apologize to the scouts and their stripper friend. Let’s break it down. Ben, Carter and […]